What Hellinger calls the “hidden symmetry of love” concerns the balance of give and take that colors every relationship, especially in couples. The exchange of giving and receiving needs to be balanced, not from a mathematical, but from a soul perspective; the wider the exchange, the deeper the resulting growth and joy. The partner who receives too much will end up feeling oppressed, and therefore unable to give. The same is true in case of a partner causing harm to another. Too quick or superficial forgiveness deprives the need that the offending party has for offering compensation. A magnanimous forgiveness—often a superficial one—deprives the needed outlet for guilt.
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